Sometimes I can't move my feet, it seems
And it's as if I'm stuck in the ground somehow--like a tree
As if I can't even breathe
Oh, and my screams come whispering out
As if nobody can even see me
Like a ghost
Sometimes I can't even see myself
Sometimes

Then again, oh
If I were a king
If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me, what in the world would I sing for?
If I had it all

Sometimes I feel lost
As I pull you out like strings of memories
Wish I could weave them into you
Then I could figure the whole damn puzzle out
Then again

If I were a king
If I had everything
If I had you and I could give you your dreams
If I were giant-sized, on top of it all
Then tell me, what in the world would I go on for?
If I had it all

Dave Matthews Band, a segment of "If I had it All" 

 

 

time after time...

Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flash back...
Warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after time

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear what you said
Then you say, Go slow
I fall behind
The second-hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen
From deep inside
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time

Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper 

let there be grain!

I tried to render this grainy because I wanted that feel for this one but Apophysis smoothed out all the little specks. (Like it's supposed to do, which frustrates me at times). So I used Picassa's film grain filter & said, "Let there be grain!" And there was. ;)

I really love the feel of this one. Click on it, it looks better enlarged. 

Sometimes blogger doesn't seem to want to post these things. I tried to post this one earlier (and thought it had posted) but nope! Anyway, here's the three that I wondered which you would like best. I think I like the pale blue one best myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

hope

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all

And sweetest in the gale is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea
Yet, never, in extemity
It asked a crumb of me

Emily Dickens, Hope
(thank you...) 

This may not make sense; but this is where I am and I have no idea where that is. And it robs me of words and I isolate behind the images of fractals. And it crushes me, the fear that comes with memory loss. Fragments of memories without context are meaningless & unnerving, but I try to put the pieces together to make meaning of them but the glue that should hold it all together is missing...so it all falls apart and just frightens & confuses me. That glue is memory. It's not just pieces of my life I am losing. I am losing pieces of me.