This may not make sense; but this is where I am and I have no idea where that is. And it robs me of words and I isolate behind the images of fractals. And it crushes me, the fear that comes with memory loss. Fragments of memories without context are meaningless & unnerving, but I try to put the pieces together to make meaning of them but the glue that should hold it all together is missing...so it all falls apart and just frightens & confuses me. That glue is memory. It's not just pieces of my life I am losing. I am losing pieces of me.
This may not make sense; but this is where I am and I have no idea where that is. And it robs me of words and I isolate behind the images of fractals. And it crushes me, the fear that comes with memory loss. Fragments of memories without context are meaningless & unnerving, but I try to put the pieces together to make meaning of them but the glue that should hold it all together is missing...so it all falls apart and just frightens & confuses me. That glue is memory. It's not just pieces of my life I am losing. I am losing pieces of me. 
15 comments:
This is beautiful Oliviah. Absolutely beautiful.
So come back to blogs - yours and others, to refresh and remember. I love your beauty Oliviah.
Thank you...I was a bit afraid of what kind of reaction this one would get. I feel relieved...maybe I will have peaceful sleep.
bless you...
It sucks that such beauty comes from so much pain. I hope you did find some peaceful sleep, it seems so hard to come by these days. No matter how lost you are, or how few words you have, there are people who love you and think about you, and are sending good thoughts your way. You are in my heart.
Oliviah, I'm holding my free hugs sign as high above my head as I can, jumping up and down, try to get your attention. You may not remember me in time, but I will never forget you. Thinking of you from the warmth of my beating heart.
This was a bit scary the first time I read it...I'll be honest. I think a part of that is because I wonder the same things about me a lot (i.e. I'll watch a movie, and a few days later not only can't I tell you what it was about...I cant tell you the title!!). It also reminds me of the times I went through my manic spells..I thought I'd never be able to remember anything again. I still write notes and leave them all over the house to remind me of things.
You speak so beautifully through your fractals. Let them be your glue when you need it, if that helps.
The others have already said it, but it's worth repeating anyway: {{{{{hugzzz}}}}}}
Oliviah. Happy, healthy thoughts your way. You are truly a talented artist and beautiful spirit.
hippychic, thank you...I did sleep good, so nice to sleep and even more so, to have no nightmares.
trée, I'll take those free hugs and give double back. You are precious.
evydense, it seems that the pain of humanity is connected, sometimes through empathy, sometimes because it is our own and we can feel it all the way down to our toes. And so is the the hope, that bonds us all. I am sorry to have triggered a pang of yours but I do thank you for the hugs.
dave, thank you...it put a smile on my face that you visited.
I will be visiting blogs again soon, I am just unnerved, I am trying to fake my way into "okay-ness". It might work.
word verification is kind of funny: "geakwcud"
Dear Oliviah, does it help at all to know that the reality is that so many of us are going through pain of so many kinds? While you/I/we are not alone in that respect, we are isolated so easily. What we do in Blog-Land, what we get from it is like looking through a window - sometimes out to in, sometimes vice-versa. But at the end of the day, we shut it down & try & face sleep, then the morning. Because I understand the pain you so eloquently, so painfully express, I have to say that I understand you, and feel for you. Right now, the negativity is like an epidemic all around here, so I will wish you UP, HIGH, POSITIVES, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF & loads of huge hugs & warm smiles!!! With some kisses. (& you are so right about the inventiveness of the W.V.!)
miles stone, what a great name and what a soothing comment. Seeing the words: "UP, HIGH, POSITIVES, CONFIDENCE, BELIEF" written so boldly in all caps made me feel that a bit. Oh, the power of words. Reading the comments from everyone gave me a bit of unexpected strength. Thank you for what you said, knowing people understand somehow gives me relief...I was rather afraid of what reaction my post might bring. Afraid of condemnation--from the most wonderful, supportive and understanding people...how illogical THAT fear was. (As are most fears)
My mind feels more steady today. I think I might be able to visit blogs sometime today.
I am reminded of that song, "Lean on Me". You guys are great. Thank you for all the times you have given me a bit of your strength when mine was shaky.
~hugs & smoochies to you all~
Oliviah, you are such a beautiful person. Your creativity runs deep, as evidenced by your artwork. Despite all things, you create GORGEOUS works of art, and share them with us.
Please know that I look forward to coming here. Every one of your creations evokes a WOW, this is gorgeous from me.
And thank YOU, Oliviah. I guess we have to help each other. And it helps to give. I have learned these past few months what i think I always knew inside me. Happiness is possible, and simple. It comes just from giving, giving and giving, without expecting a single thing in return, without thinking of "Me". How did I learn? If you haven't read it already, go to my place and look through the posts from August 15 till early September. Not just for what made me convert my blog into an 'open-heart' kind of diary of what was happening, but how my blog-community responded & stayed there for me. So I know how it does good and believe what you have replied to me. You just found the same support and it proves that even without a face or a voice,we can do something to pull each other through the darkness & out of it. Simple, eh? But fabulous, which is just like the art you bring us here! Now i feel better too, so thanks!
The fractal is awesome and the words are so deep. I can feel how you are feeling with this one.
This, and the post above, words and images combined, are exquisite, the soul behind them is why. Just beautiful, Oliviah, simply.
Love to you, x
This one looks like a stained glass window I'd expect to see at the Vatican.
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