hmm...

I don't remember if I have posted this one before. I like the way this one feels, soft and graceful. It feels like rest.

It bothers me that I can't remember what I have already posted. Same thing with the lyrics or poetry. It wearies me trying to go back through all the archives looking to see if a flame I want to post has already been posted. Bleh. Maybe it doesn't matter. Sometimes a flame says what I need it to say in a different way than it did in the past. I love that about them.

I wanted the feel of rest today. I am exhausted, drained. Yesterday and the day before, my mind seemed to work very clearly. Today, no. I hate the inconsistency this neurological problem causes. I am trying to be grateful for the days my mind is clear, my memory seems intact--the days it almost seems that there is no degeneration. Wish I could find a way to describe what it feels like. I guess it feels like being "awake". More alive or something.

A funny thing (albeit frustrating)...I finally managed to get an appointment through my insurance company to see a new neurologist. After such a long hunt for one, I was beginning to think it just wasn't going to happen. Got it all set up and a new referral from my primary to go see him, appt made....then the "neurologist's" office called and said, there has been a mistake--we are a "nephrologist" office, not "neurologist". I found that funny, so it (can't think of a word)....mellowed? out my frustration over having to start hunting a neurologist again.

I can't believe how much effort it took to write this post. To hold thoughts together, to get my hands and arms to co operate with my brain to type this. Well, I am whooped. Enough typing, I just wanted to update "wuddup?" with me. Maybe I'll just post a few flames, hope they aren't "re-runs" and hope they have a good feeling to them for you.

~hugs and smoochies~